Daily journal July 08 2026

 Popularly, It is hard to live with the truth of ourself. We are scared of being not wise, poor, unvaluable, ugly, no famous.... And the humorous is that we accept only the good beautiful aspect and avoid the other side. The fear is the biggest weakness that someone can take advantage and lure us to the bad. 

My office toilet is stuck. It is not my job to fix it. It is kind of disgusting with shit and dirty things. However I do not know I happily do it without any command from my boss. But I am in middle of 2 things. I want to save boss money (it costs alot to call the fixer). On the other hand, I feel maybe I try to please other around and uplift myself that I am a good girl, special girl devine girl to do the thing that other can not do, scrifire my self-respect for the practical solution. Besides, I am afraid of being dispectful by others, then when it occurs, people think that it is my responsility.

I admit that I am weak. I am learning to believe in myself. I need to acknowledge that no one or nothing can beat my soul if i do not allow them.

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It is often difficult to face the truth about ourselves. We fear being seen as unwise, poor, unattractive, unimportant, or unsuccessful. Ironically, we tend to accept only the beautiful and admirable parts of ourselves while rejecting everything else. Those rejected parts become our greatest fears, and fear is often the weakness that others can exploit to manipulate or mislead us.

Recently, the toilet in my office became clogged. Fixing it is not part of my job, and honestly, it was disgusting. Yet I found myself happily cleaning and unclogging it without anyone asking me to.

Afterward, I realized I was caught between two motivations. On one hand, I genuinely wanted to solve the problem and save my boss the expense of calling a plumber. On the other hand, I wondered whether I was trying to please others or prove something to myself—that I am a good person, someone special, someone almost saintly because I am willing to do what others will not. Perhaps I was sacrificing a part of my self-respect in exchange for feeling valuable or appreciated.

Another fear also came up. If I keep doing things that are outside my responsibility, people may eventually assume they are my responsibility. I worry that saying yes too often will create expectations that I never intended to set.

I recognize that I have vulnerabilities. I am learning to trust myself more deeply. I want to remember that no person and no circumstance can diminish my soul unless I allow it. My worth does not depend on how much I sacrifice or how useful I appear to others. It comes from knowing who I am and making choices that genuinely align with my values rather than with my fears.